A Travellerspoint blog

This blog is published chronologically. Go straight to the most recent post.

This Is What Unemployment Looks Like, Kids

Because Patty Turned 24 and Had A Midlife Crisis

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And so it begins.

FROM CHICAGO TO PITTSBURGH...

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MEGABUS FROM PITTSBURGH....

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TO THE BIG APPLE ITSELF... NYC!!! THE CONCRETE JUNGLE!!!

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So as you all know, we are taking Europe by storm. Tomorrow is THE day we leave.
Well...
Our flight was incredibly cheap, like unbelievably cheap... so we're not sure if there will be a plane or not! But we sure are excited to find out!

Ladies and Gentlemen: Stay Tuned.
Friends and Family: Keep us in your thoughts in prayers... (HAHA JK JK MRS. MALANEY AND GRAMMY/MIMI)

Norway: Guard your loins. We're comin' for you.

PATTY AND KATIE OUT

Posted by katemancuso 11:15 Archived in USA Comments (5)

Who Wants To Be A Millionaire?

Our Night In A Norwegian Penthouse

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HEY H8ERS!

We made it to Country #1 on our list: Oslo, Norway.

There's so much to see...

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And eat...

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And drink...

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Everyone's tall, blonde, and beautiful...

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AND Patty even found a new boyfriend!!!

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Plus, we had our awesome Irish best friend, Emma White greet us at the airport and watch us nap in her apartment for 2 hours!

I bet at this point you're thinking, "Wow. Katie and Patty are the two coolest girls I know."

But... did you ever think... in all your livelong life... that Patty and Katie would... PARTY IN A FREAKING PENTHOUSE APARTMENT BEFORE YOU DID?! HAHAHAHA WE WIN

It's all so crazy, we were walking down the street and this handsome man in an Armani suit steps out of his limousine and says in a deep voice, "flerpity derpity norway durpity durp" which is Norwegian for "You two are the most beautiful girls I've ever seen in my life. All the women in Norway are way too ascetically pleasing for my taste. I've never seen such gorgeous stumpy legs and round heads and plump buttoxes in my entire life and---"--

OKAY OKAY OKAY EMMA KNOWS A GUY

A very rich guy...

Long story short, we went to an Oktoberfest themed party dressed like this:

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To a house like this:

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With a balcony like this:

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With a view like this:

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GUYS HE BREWED HIS OWN BEER THAT CAME OUT OF A KEG IN HIS WALL WHAT

And if you ever ever ever wanna feel really cool, travel to Europe as two quirky American girls and you will be FAWNED OVER. This is basically how every conversation went:

Norwegian Guy: "So where are you all from?"
Emma: "Well, I'm from Ireland." *beaming smile*
Norwegian Guy: "Hm, alright neat."
Emma: *faltered smile*
Norwegian Guy: "What about you two?"
Patty: "Oh... we're just from America."
Norwegian Guy: "OH MY GOD YOU TRAVELLED HERE ALL BY YOURSELVES?!"
Katie: "Yeah!" *insert weird stupid joke here*
Norwegian Guy: "OH MY GOD HAHAHA YOU TWO ARE SO HILARIOUS"

And of course the night ended like this...

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Anyway we had an awesome first night in Europe living like Norwegian royalty.

Thanks for the memories Oslo! Leavin' tomorrow for Copenhagen.

PATTY AND KATIE OUT

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Posted by katemancuso 07:24 Archived in Norway Comments (2)

"No Peeking Please!"

Copenhagen

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APPLAUSE APPLAUSE APPLAUSE

Patty did it! She spent her first night in a hostel. Sure, she only got four hours of sleep and sure, she slept with her glasses on and her backpack right next to her side... but she did it!

Woodah Hostel is an experience. Our day started with 8 am yoga with a lovely local man named Jake; he had a long beard and a lot to say about sexual taboos! Next up: an organic, VEGAN breakfast of muesli (looks suspiciously like granola...), farm-to-table jam, and sprouted homemade rolls.

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Patty could sure get used to this hippie life. Why, she really could rough it with the best of them!

After a very active morning, it was time to hit the showers! Patty marched behind Katie toward the shower room with a newfound confidence. She really could do this whole hostel thing!

But then...

Then...

A man -- a stinky smelly unshaven ruffian man -- abruptly cut right in front of her and tramped into the only other shower stall... right next to Katie. In one fluid motion, Patty pivoted in her tracks and beelined straight back to her bunk with a resounding "NUH-UH. NOPE."

A STRANGER MAN?!

IN THE STALL NEXT TO YOU??

WHILE YOU'RE NAKED????

This.
Is.
Barbaric.

To confirm Patty's deepest fears, Katie came back looking a little shaken, only to murmur: "Patty... You would actually hate that....... there was a small crack so that if you happened to put your eye up next to it... you could see... EVERYTHING. I wanted to quietly whisper, '...no peeking, please!'"

Patty has limits.

After that emotional roller coaster, we actually had a lovely day.

We saw the harbor.

The canal-- AKA: all the cute adorable colorful houses we've been pinning on Pinterest.

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The Royal Danish Theater which is the most magnificent thing you'll ever see.

The Little Mermaid.

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All of this was brought to you by Katie Mancuso who is the ultimate tourist, and has the capability of turning any 10 minute walk into a 3 hour journey all around the city... probably in the opposite direction you're suppose to be heading whilst holding a GPS and a ginormous map of the city that you didn't even realize they still make.

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And the grand finale for the day: The Carlsberg Brewery.

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We took a free shuttle bus, where a Brazilian man named Bruno quickly made us feel uncomfortable. We got off the bus, avoided Bruno ASAP, and headed into the self-guided tour.

The self-guided tour included long, tedious articles about the history of Carlsberg... an extremely boring replica of a grain collecting warehouse... and something about yeast (gross)?

We quickly realized we were only in it for the free beer, which wasn't even free because we had to pay to get into the brewery.

Some highlights from the trip:

  • When Katie caused some French business men to burst out into laughter after pointing to a video of a topless woman from the cavemen days making beer

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  • When Patty got bored during "the History of Carlsberg" and skipped from the 1400's to the early 2000's
  • We even witnessed the most boring sentence ever written...:

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  • And may we introduce... Patty Malaney: Horse Whisperer

Really the whole thing just reminded us of Barry Donnelly (our beer enthusiast manager at Fado) and we could feel his disappointment in us as we walked around the brewery, getting drunker and rowdier, like a couple of American frat boys.

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As it turns out Carlsberg isn't even brewed there anymore! It's now home to Jacobson Microbrewery where we did an private VIP tasting (we were the only ones that signed up) and actually learned a whole lot about beer!

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Off to Munich next! Talk to you after OKTOBERFEST... heh heh heh

Au Vidersein( sp?)!

Posted by katemancuso 10:00 Archived in Denmark Comments (1)

Ein Prosit Ein Prosit

Oktoberfest 2015

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WE SURVIVED!!!!!!!!!!!

We had the best day of our lives and met so many people and were the center of attention the entire time which is our dream and we might as well come home because we don't know how we will ever top what just happened.

Let us paint you a picture of how the day started, shall we?

8am: Rise and Shine! Everyone told us to get there two hours before the tents open because everyone is lining up to get in! We have to hurry!

9am: Only us and 3 German couples in line for Paulaner Tent...

9:30am: Where is everybody...

10am: DOORS OPEN, WE CALMLY WALK IN WITH OUR 6 FRIENDS AND TAKE OUR TIME PICKING OUR SEATS SINCE SO MANY ARE AVAILABLE

10:30am: One beer in each. Conversion as follows-- 1 Oktoberfest Beer = 2 American Pints

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11am: Patty and Katie are sitting at a giant bench (like you see in Hofbrahaus in the US) and it's completely empty. We are absolutely itching to make some authentic German friends to replace JD Frost. The next thing thing you know a group of Vietnamese businessmen head into the tent looking lost and confused. There's more than 75% of the tables still open and what do you know ... they take a seat right next to Katie and Patty!

11:30 am: Our new friends, Gwan and Tan, order 10 rounds of sausage and sauerkraut for the table. Patty is delighted.

11:31am: Patty has inhaled 3 out of 4 of her sausages. She looks at Katie and whispers "I could eat the other one right now but I know I shouldn't."

11:45: Gwan offers Katie and Patty a Bailey's roasted almond. They take it and nod their heads like "mmm, yes, Gwan, that it is delicious". Gwan leaps up from the table and runs out of the tent. He returns minutes later, sweating, with a giant bag of almonds that he has purchased for us.

12 pm: Tan says it is not often that the Vietnamese and Americans share a meal at the table. We are basically peace ambassadors for our country.

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12:15 pm: Tan makes an inappropriate joke to Katie. Patty responds to this joke by saying her dad taught her that "all men are pigs and liars." Tan says "What did you say?" Patty repeats louder "All men are pigs and liars." Tan stares at her blankly. Patty says "Do you know what a pig is? Pig??" Katie is seconds away from making a pig face with her nose and oinking. Tan says "Yes, we know what pig is." Gwan and Tan are not pleased.

12:20 pm: Gwan and Tan and their 10 work buddies all must hurry to a business meeting. We make plans to see them in Switzerland, but we secretly know this is the end of our journey.

12:30 pm: Katie and Patty are 2 Oktoberfest beers in (4 American Pints)

12:45 pm: We can't wait to meet some Germans! We each start making eye contact with any German person we see, begging "we want to be your friend and sing Bavarian melodies together"-- what's this? A group of Italian boys sitting next to us?

12:50 pm: We are friends with Giuseppe, his doctor brother (we know because he showed us his official Medico card), and their two goofy cousins.

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1:00 pm: The Italians are a lot of fun and we instantly regret not spending any time in Italy on this trip. After wooing us, and making fun of Giuseppe's large belly, they leave us.

1:30 pm: Katie and Patty decide to break the Oktoberfest golden rule and switch tents. We stroll out into the festival and begin searching for the perfect tent. Suddenly Katie's eyes get wide with excitement as she sees all the attractions the festival holds. There is nothing Patty can do to stop her. Katie runs through the park purchasing every sweet thing she can get her grubby little paws on. Nutella crepes, candied apples, ice cream cones, cinnamon sugar pretzels...you name it. Once Katie is running high on sugar she insists on going on a ride. She settles for the giant children's slide. Watching Katie climb the stairs in her Bavarian dress is a sight to see. It feels like everyone in the park stops to watch her slide down. Down the slide she goes, which lasts a total of 1.5 seconds. She gets up and curtsies like the lady she is. Time to find more beer.

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2:00 pm: We enter our next beer tent feeling confident. 5 hours into the festival and we are old pros at this. Katie spots a table filled with all kinds of Germans of all ages. We squeeze our way into the middle of them, occasionally shouting "DANKESHURN" and "BITTE" and "GUTENTAG". No one seems pleased that we are there...

2:05 pm: Patty and Katie work their magic and are once again the center of attention. We win the hearts of a group of boys our age: Antar, Ronald, Max, Lucas, and some boy who we're pretty sure is a mute. Only half of them speak English. They teach us many things about the German culture. For instance, the way a girl wears her apron at Oktoberfest means something about her relationship status. Turns out, the way Katie was wearing her apron all day symbolized she was a widow and sad about her dead husband, while Patty's symbolized that she was a virgin maid.

2:15 pm: All the German boys are screaming that Patty is a virgin maid.

3:00 pm: Patty is engaged to marry an old Bavarian man who speaks no English.

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3:30 pm: Antar and Lucas convince us to go on a festival ride that if we had to guess a name for it, it would be : A Drunk Person's Worst Nightmare. You sit in a poorly designed seat with 7 other people and are swung upside down like a giant slingshot. The entire 30 seconds consisted of Patty screaming and breaking all the fingers in Katie's hand, while Katie very calmly and loudly chanted "Oh yes, this is fun. Very fun. Okay we're all having fun."

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4:00 pm: It was time for us to Irish Goodbye. We had heard rumors about the "Hofbrahaus" tent; that perhaps it was the most "Americanized" or "Frat-ty". So we headed off for one more celebratory pint to finish off a successful day...

5:00 pm : Patty suggests one more pint...

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6:00 pm: Patty suggests one more pint...

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7:00 pm: EIN PROSTIN EIN PROSTIN

8:00 pm: Katie turns into Mr. Bean

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9:00 pm: Patty suggests ONE MORE PINT

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10:00 pm : The festival is over. Thats right-- we opened and shut the place down. Katie grabs Patty by the hand as they head back to their Airbnb.

10:45 pm: The two little Bavarian maids are down for the count and fast asleep.

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Posted by katemancuso 01:16 Archived in Germany Comments (1)

Switzerland: The Eagleton of Europe

Yodelee, yodelee, yodelee-HI-HOO

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Sometimes after really living it up at Oktoberfest, you're a little slow moving in the morning.

Which is probably why we had to literally chase after our bus headed to Switzerland.

But the bus driver eventually let us on, after listening to Katie grovel on her knees in over 15 languages. Ten of which she made up on the spot and were not recognizable whatsoever.

Switzerland. A Beautiful Country.

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Full of mountains, and lakes, and bridges, and cool monuments... like this lion! At which Patty stared in awe for 20 minutes...

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...and then made Katie walk past three more times.

Truly beautiful.

But also very...very...VERY expensive. A glass of water costs about 5 american dollars. A ride on the bus costs 11 american dollars.

This delicious lunch we had was supposed to be one of the cheapest in town, but it ended up costing us 500 million dollars.
It was worth it though: it was made up of an entire baguette (for each of us), perfectly season fried chicken (crispy but not like overly breaded), french fries, and the special sauce (which seemed a lot like a giant vat full of butter and garlic).

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^^^^^ That empty basket was originally full of 2 loaves of bread

We loved it. Patty even tried to make Katie finish the rest of her special sauce like a shot.

But anyway, SO EXPENSIVE. That's why we really jumped at the opportunity to do any free activity we could find. Like a "sightseeing night cruise" Katie found through our hostel that was supposed to be completely free.

LOOK HOW NICE THE POSTER LOOKS:

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We walked to the harbor with no clear directions on where this magical boat would be picking us up. We see all sorts of giant, beautiful cruise ships. Some that are dropping off passengers who look like they have had the best time of their lives. Hm, none of them are our boat.

Our boat finally pulls up. It looks like it could call it quits and sink to the bottom of Lake Lucerne at any moment. There are a couple of men dragging it to the dock with panicked looks on their faces. Patty is skeptical, but Katie looks like she won the jackpot and skips onto the boat. We get onto the boat and meet one other family. They are from India and are extremely pleasant. The boat takes off with a loud "SPUTTER SPUTTER SPUTTER" as Patty and Katie rock violently in their seats. Patty looks around and sees there is no one else around on the lake ... and the boat ... the boat is headed away from all the attractions and headed to a dark, dark abyss.

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She immediately thinks "sex slave trade" and glares at Katie for leading her to her demise. Katie gives her a sheepish grin and a big thumbs up, as if she's having the time of her life. About 10 minutes into the death ride, the "co-captain" who looks clearly like a homeless junkie, jumps into the room where we're sitting, startling everyone, and screams, "ANYONE WANT A DRINK?! YOU?? YOU? OR YOU??", and we all shake our heads furiously until he leaves. Damn it Katie.

Patty has accepted her fate and decides to Facetime her parents and their closest friends, Phil and Alex. Phil was no help as he loudly announced, "YOU GUYS LOOK LIKE YOU'RE ASKING ME FOR HELP? WHY IT IS DARK? IM CONFUSED? SHOULD I CALL THE POLICE?" Patty said I love you to her mother and father and then hung up the phone (the wifi signal was getting weak) .

About 45 minutes into the "1-hour-long ride", the boat had still not begun to turn back around, drifting even further and further from our destination. The lovely Indian family to our left seemed a little wary as well -- maybe it was because they would look over and see Patty's paranoid eyes shifting to and from all different directions. The son got up and timidly walked towards the captain's chair to find out when the tour would be over.

Good news! We would indeed be docking soon! Bad news: we'd be docking all the way on the other side of Switzerland. We got off the boat into an area that looked like a beautiful resort that had been closed down and vacated for 20 years. Our options were to a) wait for the boat to come back in an hour and a half at 10:30 PM or b) try to walk back to Lucerne... An easy 7 hour stroll!

Of course, we stayed for a beer (or 2) and at 10:30 PM the little boat appeared out of the dark murky distance and took us back to safety.

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But we figured, if that's the WORST thing to happen on this trip... we'll be in fiiiine shape.

NEXT UP: AMSTERDAM

Oh, and here's a very awkward picture of us:

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No, we mean awkward.

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NO guys... AWKWARD.

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Posted by katemancuso 16:29 Archived in Switzerland Comments (0)

Amster-damn That Was Fun

Good Girls Go To Heaven, Bad Girls Go To Amsterdam

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Yeah right like you think we're going to put stories about our Amsterdam visit up for public view so you can all blackmail us when we're famous?

Let's just say..

.

Some things you can't unsee.

Stay tuned for Bruges. xo

Posted by katemancuso 10:07 Archived in Netherlands Comments (0)

A Hostel Situation

Sorry guys, we know we haven't done a blog entry in a while but we've been bouncing around.

Here's a little "Best Of"s our Text Conversations this trip to hold you over.

Katie is the messages in the blue on the right and Patty is the messages in the grey on the left.

All these occurred in separate bunk beds with at least 6 other people in the room about 10-15 minutes after we turned out the lights.

CONVERSATION #1: THE RESTLESS NIGHT

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CONVERSATION #2: AFTER AN EXTREMELY ELDERLY WOMAN WALKED INTO OUR ROOM AT 1AM IN A LONG FLORAL NIGHTGOWN

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(ENTER ONE OF OUR ROOMMATES WITH A PIZZA BOX)

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CONVERSATION #3: WHEN A GIRL WAS SNORING SO LOUD ONE OF OUR ROOMMATES SCREAMED "SERIOUSLY??!?!?!" IN DISDAIN

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Posted by katemancuso 10:00 Comments (0)

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