We had the best day of our lives and met so many people and were the center of attention the entire time which is our dream and we might as well come home because we don't know how we will ever top what just happened.
Let us paint you a picture of how the day started, shall we?
8am: Rise and Shine! Everyone told us to get there two hours before the tents open because everyone is lining up to get in! We have to hurry!
9am: Only us and 3 German couples in line for Paulaner Tent...
9:30am: Where is everybody...
10am: DOORS OPEN, WE CALMLY WALK IN WITH OUR 6 FRIENDS AND TAKE OUR TIME PICKING OUR SEATS SINCE SO MANY ARE AVAILABLE
10:30am: One beer in each. Conversion as follows-- 1 Oktoberfest Beer = 2 American Pints
11am: Patty and Katie are sitting at a giant bench (like you see in Hofbrahaus in the US) and it's completely empty. We are absolutely itching to make some authentic German friends to replace JD Frost. The next thing thing you know a group of Vietnamese businessmen head into the tent looking lost and confused. There's more than 75% of the tables still open and what do you know ... they take a seat right next to Katie and Patty!
11:30 am: Our new friends, Gwan and Tan, order 10 rounds of sausage and sauerkraut for the table. Patty is delighted.
11:31am: Patty has inhaled 3 out of 4 of her sausages. She looks at Katie and whispers "I could eat the other one right now but I know I shouldn't."
11:45: Gwan offers Katie and Patty a Bailey's roasted almond. They take it and nod their heads like "mmm, yes, Gwan, that it is delicious". Gwan leaps up from the table and runs out of the tent. He returns minutes later, sweating, with a giant bag of almonds that he has purchased for us.
12 pm: Tan says it is not often that the Vietnamese and Americans share a meal at the table. We are basically peace ambassadors for our country.
12:15 pm: Tan makes an inappropriate joke to Katie. Patty responds to this joke by saying her dad taught her that "all men are pigs and liars." Tan says "What did you say?" Patty repeats louder "All men are pigs and liars." Tan stares at her blankly. Patty says "Do you know what a pig is? Pig??" Katie is seconds away from making a pig face with her nose and oinking. Tan says "Yes, we know what pig is." Gwan and Tan are not pleased.
12:20 pm: Gwan and Tan and their 10 work buddies all must hurry to a business meeting. We make plans to see them in Switzerland, but we secretly know this is the end of our journey.
12:30 pm: Katie and Patty are 2 Oktoberfest beers in (4 American Pints)
12:45 pm: We can't wait to meet some Germans! We each start making eye contact with any German person we see, begging "we want to be your friend and sing Bavarian melodies together"-- what's this? A group of Italian boys sitting next to us?
12:50 pm: We are friends with Giuseppe, his doctor brother (we know because he showed us his official Medico card), and their two goofy cousins.
1:00 pm: The Italians are a lot of fun and we instantly regret not spending any time in Italy on this trip. After wooing us, and making fun of Giuseppe's large belly, they leave us.
1:30 pm: Katie and Patty decide to break the Oktoberfest golden rule and switch tents. We stroll out into the festival and begin searching for the perfect tent. Suddenly Katie's eyes get wide with excitement as she sees all the attractions the festival holds. There is nothing Patty can do to stop her. Katie runs through the park purchasing every sweet thing she can get her grubby little paws on. Nutella crepes, candied apples, ice cream cones, cinnamon sugar pretzels...you name it. Once Katie is running high on sugar she insists on going on a ride. She settles for the giant children's slide. Watching Katie climb the stairs in her Bavarian dress is a sight to see. It feels like everyone in the park stops to watch her slide down. Down the slide she goes, which lasts a total of 1.5 seconds. She gets up and curtsies like the lady she is. Time to find more beer.
2:00 pm: We enter our next beer tent feeling confident. 5 hours into the festival and we are old pros at this. Katie spots a table filled with all kinds of Germans of all ages. We squeeze our way into the middle of them, occasionally shouting "DANKESHURN" and "BITTE" and "GUTENTAG". No one seems pleased that we are there...
2:05 pm: Patty and Katie work their magic and are once again the center of attention. We win the hearts of a group of boys our age: Antar, Ronald, Max, Lucas, and some boy who we're pretty sure is a mute. Only half of them speak English. They teach us many things about the German culture. For instance, the way a girl wears her apron at Oktoberfest means something about her relationship status. Turns out, the way Katie was wearing her apron all day symbolized she was a widow and sad about her dead husband, while Patty's symbolized that she was a virgin maid.
2:15 pm: All the German boys are screaming that Patty is a virgin maid.
3:00 pm: Patty is engaged to marry an old Bavarian man who speaks no English.
3:30 pm: Antar and Lucas convince us to go on a festival ride that if we had to guess a name for it, it would be : A Drunk Person's Worst Nightmare. You sit in a poorly designed seat with 7 other people and are swung upside down like a giant slingshot. The entire 30 seconds consisted of Patty screaming and breaking all the fingers in Katie's hand, while Katie very calmly and loudly chanted "Oh yes, this is fun. Very fun. Okay we're all having fun."
4:00 pm: It was time for us to Irish Goodbye. We had heard rumors about the "Hofbrahaus" tent; that perhaps it was the most "Americanized" or "Frat-ty". So we headed off for one more celebratory pint to finish off a successful day...
5:00 pm : Patty suggests one more pint...
6:00 pm: Patty suggests one more pint...
7:00 pm: EIN PROSTIN EIN PROSTIN
8:00 pm: Katie turns into Mr. Bean
9:00 pm: Patty suggests ONE MORE PINT
10:00 pm : The festival is over. Thats right-- we opened and shut the place down. Katie grabs Patty by the hand as they head back to their Airbnb.
10:45 pm: The two little Bavarian maids are down for the count and fast asleep.